I recently read an article about preparing for winter seasonal affective disorder (SAD). The gist of the article was that “now is the time” to prepare, don’t wait til you’re in the mud. And they are 100% right. The article included some general tips most people who struggle with depression know can help: talk therapy, light therapy, medication, exercise, social engagement, routines.
I thought I would write sort of an addendum to that article with real-world, specific advice from someone with years of experience (and varying success rates).
Currently my depression is in “remission” (which is a term that feels really weird and not quite accurate, but we’ll save that thought for another time), but winter is still a time when I have to bulk up the tips, tricks, and tools- to keep myself afloat. I live in a place that has grey winters. So friggin’ grey. I have spent most of my life in various sunny locations, so this grey shit is for the birds. I have to get ready for the grey winters like a marathoner training….for a marathon? I don’t run. I just prepare a lot, OK?
Here are the warning signs for the sneaky bitch SAD, and what I do to prep to fight it…
Warning Sign: Eating becomes weird.
I know SAD (and/or regular depression) is coming when I open the fridge and there are legit options but I just… don’t wanna. One of the first hits of the winter blues is my ability to make a damn meal. Breakfast is generally taken care of because I eat the same thing every morning (English muffin with peanut butter on it). And I’m fine with that. If you require variety in your morning meal… may the force be with you. Lunch is the worst, because I only need to feed myself and therefore I happily neglect to do it. Dinner is also the worst, but sometimes I can muster the will because other people depend on me. That’s a big SOMEtimes.
Tricks to Fight Weird Eating:
Plan for EASY-ASS meals. Do you like the Costco version of sausage lasagna? (My family does!) Put that shit in rotation. Do this in as many ways as you can. Treat yourself and your family like a baby: fed is best. Stock up on the easy to make, throw in the oven/microwave/stovetop meals. Rotisserie chicken. Hot dogs. Frozen hamburger patties (are you vegetarian? Impossible Burgers are so good). Frozen pot pies. Spaghetti and meatballs – hell- just meatballs (pre-made obviously). Frozen pizzas (so you’re not spending a butt-load of money every time you order pizza). PBJ sandwiches. Those ramen noodles that y’all eat (not into it). Chicken nuggets are not beneath you. Mozzarella sticks. Basically frozen anything. Sure it’s better to eat healthy- but sometimes that’s even too tall an order. A helpful hint for coming up with ideas: there is probably at least one cheat/easy meal in your childhood that you loved and didn’t realize was easy. For my childhood- it was breakfast for dinner, pizza bagels (we had a jar of pizza sauce and a bag of mozzarella cheese in the fridge for the occasion), Taco Bell run (cheap and gross, but we loved it), pizza, hot dogs and mac and cheese. If you re-live a childhood easy meal, it helps you feel joyful about it because you LOVED it. Also keep this in mind should you feel guilty for not preparing your precious children a gourmet meal. They, like you, love the easy shit.
Stock up on these easy ass meals for those moments when it’s 530pm and you forgot to defrost the meat or actually have a plan for dinner at all.
Stock up on easy “immediately without prep” nutritious things to snack on or supplement your lack of planning for the ever-elusive “side” for a meal. Like: applesauce, bananas, apples, grapes, strawberries, already chopped melons (don’t you dare convince yourself you’ll cut it in time), trail mix, mixed nuts, yogurt, etc. I’ll be honest- something about SAD makes me never want fruit. Eating an apple feels like a damn chore. But I’ll do applesauce. Find your version of applesauce. I just recently discovered that you can put frozen veggies in the air fryer and they will be delish. I air fry the shit out of them because I do not enjoy soggy veggies. I spray with cooking spray, sprinkle that no-salt substitute on them (while I’m being so awesomely healthy, may as well go all the way), and then air fry for days until they are crispy… put it in a bowl and eat for lunch. Kudos to my brother-in-law for telling me about this trick.
Give yourself permission to “cheat” – whatever that looks like. Is ordering delivery cheating because take out is cheaper? If you can swing it, just do it. Don’t you bat an eye about it. Is cereal a dinner? It is today, Rebecca! Do you want to dig into the kid’s lunchables? FINE. Cheese and crackers and apples and peanut butter if you don’t like cheese (both feels like a weird combo). Want to be a superhero? Ice cream sundaes for dinner. Seriously. Sometimes you just have to let the rules go. Fed is best, remember? (And don’t you nutritious people come at me about this, we’re in survival mode, we aren’t eating ice cream for every dinner.) Popcorn has been a go-to some nights for me.
Delegate. Depending on the age and abilities of any dependents or significant others in the house, there may come a time when you need to say: fend for yourself. And no one gets to complain. Or maybe they do, but think of it as you all complaining about the stupid clouds and lack of sun that makes dinner planning so hard. YOU are not the enemy. If you won the lottery and there is someone in your house that can and will lovingly fix you dinner every night then by golly- enjoy the shit out of that and thank them every day. For the rest of us: at the very least (and this really should go for all the time, not just survival time) share the load. Kid old enough to make Mac and cheese? They make Mac and cheese at least once a month. Try to delegate as much of this chore to others. Remember, they can “cheat” by using the frozen stuff or ordering things- but make it their job. Then you don’t even have to THINK about dinner.
(Side note on chores. you BETTER not be doing everything, Gloria. Get that fixed straightaway if you are.)
Make meals NOW and freeze ahead. Get a deep freezer if you can. In addition to this- get better bang for your energy output…find those meals that make 3 meals at a time. If you’re like me, it’s the getting going that’s the hardest. Once you’re going on a task, it’s easier to finish, so capitalize on that “go” energy by making one “go” count for a lot. For example: I have a chicken enchiladas recipe that my family loves. It’s a bit involved but it brings everyone joy, and now it does even more so for me because I figured out how to make 3 meals out of it. I make extra everything so I have an extra tray of enchiladas in the freezer. BUT I also have extra chicken, and I put it in a Tupperware with Mexican cheese and spinach (SPINACH!), and I freeze that for a meal of chicken and spinach quesadillas. 3 meals! Find your meal that keeps giving or makes a lot that you can freeze half for later.
OK now for a personal favorite, very specific trick of mine under this make and freeze category. In the winter I want hot things but I only want to put in “microwave things” level effort. So in the fall, when I’m not yet zombie-ish, I make and freeze a shit-ton of soup. I use this Ninja soup maker which was cheaper four years ago when I bought it, BUT, I still think it’s worth it. And here’s why: it does everything. It sautées, heats, blends (for smooth soups), and then it SELF-CLEANS! It can also make other things but we’re talking about soup. You can make healthy-ass soups that taste good and THEN- the best trick of all: freeze them in souper cubes. And no- I’m not getting paid to advertise these, that would be nice but I just love these things. Souper cubes are these silicon containers with lids that are freezer safe and have various measurement options. So basically I make soups, freeze them in these things (I label them with the fancy use of scratch paper and tape that to the lid), and then when I’m hungry, I pull out a soup thing, plop out a frozen cube and microwave it til it’s hot. Boom. Healthy, hot meal. If you don’t want to invest in the super cubes, totally fine- use regular smaller containers. Or a trick I saw somewhere was that someone froze soup in red solo cups and then popped the individual “servings” out after frozen into a plastic bag, making several frozen cups. This could work- but I haven’t tried it.
Drink less alcohol. Yes, dammit, I know. You don’t want to hear it, and it’s rude of me to mention it, but it would be dumb if I didn’t. But instead of focusing on why (because we all know why), I’m going to share with you my tips for how to treat yo’self in ways that don’t involve alkie-hall. Stock up on fun hot drinks (if you like them) like: apple cider, hot cocoa, hot tea (do decaf for the evening), etc. Stock up on your favorite drinks that make you feel special and fancy. There are a million mocktail recipes out there now because people are avoiding alcohol for more reasons than just being alcoholics. I think there is a fantastic movement towards people not drinking (at all or as much) simply because they felt better when they scaled back. Kind of like when gluten free all of a sudden became tasty and available. That’s how it is with fun drinks without alcohol.
Emotional Support Water Bottle. This isn’t hard for me because I drink water like the world’s supply will disappear tomorrow. BUT- have a few giant water bottles that you take everywhere like an emotional support blankie (these are my favorites– Costco sells them too), refill as often as you need. Be sure to get some that are dishwasher safe (because you can barely load the dishwasher, much less wash something by hand!). If you have it nearby, you’re more likely to drink water. If you’re a weirdo that needs flavor- get those flavor packs to sprinkle in there- I don’t care.
OK, that was the eating category. I just scratched the surface, but hopefully this helped.
Warning Sign: Sleep Becomes Even MORE my Favorite
This phenomenon when my bed becomes its own gravitational black hole is probably one of the hardest and most disruptive symptoms of depression that gets especially bad when the sun shines less and it gets colder outside. I have wondered more often than a human should about the possibilities of real hibernation. Since I have a job and friends and family, it is advised that I do not sleep for three months. Meanwhile these fat bears get to eat a lot and then nap. Feels very unfair. My issue when the blues hit is that I sit in bed scrolling on my phone and the effort for me to put even a single toe onto the ground becomes astronomical. I just cannot will myself out of bed. There are cruel ways to force yourself out of bed (a loud alarm on the other side of the room, shoving the blankets off, turning the fan on) but I want to be nice to myself, not cruel, and cruelty takes energy I don’t have.
Tricks to Get out of Bed
Drink More Water. This is so simple and silly, but it can work. A friend told me this trick: before you go to bed, have your emotional support water bottle on your nightstand. When you get up in the morning, start drinking water. At some point you’re gonna have to pee so bad that you’re forced to get out of bed. It feels less cruel because you eventually do need to pee in the morning anyway, this just speeds it up, AND you’re getting hydrated! Capitalize on that “go” and DO NOT RETURN to bed. Do something like pull the covers up, turn the lights on, play music or anything that will make your room no longer the slumber room.
Have someone walk you to the shower. True story, I had my husband walk me to the shower every day one winter. It was a bad winter and it took me hours to get out of bed and I delayed showering by days. I told him that the hardest thing was just getting my ass out of bed. He said “what if I carried you to the shower?” I laughed because I’m not petite and he’s not he-man, but I counter-offered by asking him if he would just escort me to the shower. And do you know that I started to look forward to the mornings? Not in the “oh what a beautiful morning” bright eyed-bushy tailed way, but every morning my husband would greet me on my side of the bed, hold his hand out for me to take, and he would walk with me to the shower. It was so sweet and meaningful, and it was the most effective way I have ever countered this problem. Not all of us have this option, but if you do in any way, this trick works.
Have a needy animal or child. Some of you have this (my kids are old enough to get up on their own and my husband does the morning shift) and hate me for even getting to entertain staying in bed. But if they get you out of bed- it’s a good thing.
Make Mornings Easy. This is not always easy to do, but if you can do whatever you can to make mornings easy on you, you have a better chance of reaching your expectations. I have never and will never be a morning person, even when I am not struggling with depression. My husband takes the “morning shift” with the kids and the dogs, and I do the afternoon shift. This is subject to change if either of us have a conflict or need coverage. We did it this way because it uses our strengths instead of trying to fight our weaknesses. My husband is a morning person, he can’t sleep in if he tries, so we capitalize on that. There are things I’m good at (like paying bills on time and remembering that the kids need a dentist appointment) and I do those things. It doesn’t always work out perfectly, but if you have others in the household, forget who “should” do things and start with what you’re good at. You don’t have the luxury of feeling guilty about who should do things in your house. No one actually cares, you don’t get a gold star for being awake in the morning when your kids are showering.
Other things that make mornings easier: make breakfast easy, make as many things automated as possible (got a timer on your coffee pot? Use it!), empower your kids to be more independent, pick out outfits the night before, have the kids make their lunch (or back to the easy food thing- either set up an account with the school cafeteria or invest in whatever the cool lunchable equivalent is these days). Not to sound crude, but try having less things need you in the morning. You’re depressed and you’ve been asked to foster a puppy? No, Shirley, the answer is no. You’re not a bad person, you’re trying to be a sane person.
Tricks to Get to Sleep
This wasn’t really a problem for me until the grand entrance of perimenopause. That’s another post completely, but for now, here’s the best I can offer. Note that for the most part, my super power is sleeping, so I don’t have as many tricks up my sleeve for this one.
Melatonin. It helps me. I don’t know what to tell you. Keep a bottle of the gummies in your nightstand and when you are feeling that fidgety tossing feeling, pop those bad boys. They are not habit forming, etc etc. So don’t give yourself some guilt trip. Give yourself some sleep. Don’t wait til hour 3 of tossing either. If you’re still awake and your mind is still moving 30 minutes in, pop the melatonin.
Limit News. You thought I was going to say your phone/lights/etc. Well that’s probably a good idea. But I 100% lose the capacity to go to sleep if I see or read something devastating or inhumane before I go to bed. Don’t do that. Don’t catch up on the news. Do NOT click on the headline about the weird murder two counties away. Just stop it. Watch a dog chase a sprinkler or something.
Lights Out. Not everyone is like me, but I have become more distracted by lights as I get older. So if that tiny green charging light has low-key annoyed you for 21 straight nights, guess what? It’s annoying you forever. Get rid of all unnecessary lights, even if you just put your emotional support water bottle in front of it to block the shine.
Get comfortable. This should be obvious but I know you. You’re lying in bed and your shirt is slightly itchy and you kiiiinda gotta pee and that hall light is on but you just decide to lie in bed and be uncomfortable and will yourself to sleep. Stop that. You can be comfortable- it is your sleeping right! Go pee, even if you just did it. Turn the hall light off, get rid of that scratchy tee and stick one leg out or put on socks or whatever thing that you think you shouldn’t do but really want to. Just allow yourself to get comfy and then honor what helps you stay comfy. Also, get rid of that creepy figurine that makes weird shadows in the night.
OK I wore myself out writing this so I’m going to publish it and then come back and add more if I think of something.
